Cross Your Fingers!

For my 2 readers, please keep your fingers crossed that a certain husband's certain test goes well tomorrow and will give me the certainty that I can certainly get pregnant someday!
Go, little soldiers, go toward the light :)

All prayers, invocations, positive vibrations and creative visualizations will be welcome, as I do not want to have to use the Craigslist Sperm Donor guy/peetree dish hater...

Like he'd want to be paid

Is this guy for real?

Stud service - $100 (ST Louis)

---

Reply to: sale-989017308@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-01-11, 4:58PM CST

I am willing to impregnate any female for a fee, no testubes or peetree dishes, the real thing. $100

• Location: ST Louis
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Green With Indie Craft Show..

The next big Craft Mafia event will be the Green With Indie Craft Show. We're looking for relatively eco-friendly or local to St. Louis vendors and info booths. Come join us at the Webster University Gym on March 21 and 22 to get your life a little greener!

In preparation for this, I have 26 market bags sitting behind me, awaiting pins and more sewing....

Merry Christmas!

We have a beautiful cold blue-sky day here in St. Louis. Perfect for a....walk!? Maggie sure hopes so. Dig the crazy plastic bag rug my mother crocheted. 193 bags!

Why I Love Christmas

1. I like making fabric-based Christmas cards (although that didn't happen this year).

2. Shiny! And sparkly!

3. I have 2 weeks off to get addicted to 90210 reruns and to be mesmerized by Tori Spelling's stiff boob valley (cleavage) and fake tan.

4. My Christmas cactii are blooming. In fact, Lowe's has them on sale for a quarter, but I'll warn you I bought the last 2 healthy ones.

5. People give you things.

6. Eggnog, with or without rum.

7. "My Favorite Things" by John Coltrane.

8. The feeling of giving gifts to my usually overlooked coworkers, like our day custodian and the secretaries. I omitted the evening custodians because they leave the girls' bathroom window open ALL FUCKING NIGHT and then it's like 3 degrees in there in the morning. Shut the damn window already!

9. The first batch of sugar cookies makes me happy. Not the fourth.

10. Christmas fabrics!

11. Remembering the feeling of still believing in Santa Claus.

12. Did I already say SHINY and SPARKLY?

Why I Hate Christmas

1. It's hard to get excited about Christmas when one of your parents is either not speaking to the entire family (except the cats) or is off hunting on Christmas morning.

2. Too much sugar cookie rolling gives one a sore back.

3. Boom! It's over. Even Lowe's has all their Christmas decor on clearance.

4. I have too many choices of who to donate stuff to. Should I knit a million pairs of mittens for needy families in shelters? Should I donate them to the families my school sponsors? What about my own students who are in crappy families?
For example, I noticed *Juan*'s deformed thumbnail today.
"What the heck happened to your thumb?" I asked.
"I don't want to talk about it," replied the normally annoyingly conversative kid. He's always all up in everyone's Kool-Aid and doesn't even know what flavor it is! Seriously, if you are talking to someone else and turn around fast, *Juan* is there. He never wants to go home, and is always hanging out after school with us. He's a sidler!
I know it's his dad's fault that his thumb tip is all deformed, but I really don't want to ask. Cause, if the Mayor of Brittany Woods ain't talkin', it must be pretty bad.
Things like this break my heart.

So, 4. is that I am too ADD to pick one charity to do nice things for. Plus, the procrastinating gene in me is STRONG.

5. You go to church on Christmas Eve and everything is so pretty and sparkling with the candlelight service and a church full of warm bodies singing your favorite songs. It's full of a beautiful warm feeling and you think that maybe Jon King is looking at you like he might like you and he says "Merry Christmas" to you all close and romantic (for church).
Then, you go home to a house of tension and misery where we all walk on eggshells and only come out of our rooms for meals.

6. I hate packing up the ornaments. Conversely, I dislike unpacking a suitcase and the dishwasher.

7. I know there's lots of people out there worse off than me, and then I feel like an asshole for blogging about it.

8. 8, 8, I forget what 8 was for.

9. I am totally serious about #1. Dad wouldn't talk to us usually from Thanksgiving until my birthday (January 28th. I like green, chocolate, and organized living). He would even get his OWN beer!

10. Brown Christmas. Or, like tonight, Black Sheet of Icy Death Christmas. Seriously, go salt your steps, folks.

11. I get hooked on 90210 reruns and follow the story line for 2 weeks then have to go back to work.

Perfect

This made me laugh until it hurt.

The entire website really appeals to my sarcastic, feisty and citified ways.

Snow Day!

Woo hoo for snow days! Although, I guess it is technically an "ice day". The rain and sleet started shortly after 9 pm, and I got to lay in bed listening to it beat against the plastic sheeting we put over the screens in the stained glass windows above our bed. Sounds hoosierish, but there weren't any storm windows for these specific windows. God bless 1939-era windows :(

Here is what I just saw in the yard, hopefully catching pigeons:

Yes indeed, that is a big-ass hawk (not the official name) sitting on the telephone wires. That's the view from my kitchen window. What you can't see is the sad brown garden or the hiding chickadees, juncos and house finches or our garage. But a hawk is pretty cool, too!

And while I'm messing with pictures, this is the sunset from Friday night.
Even with the wire in the way, it's beautiful.

Back on the Estate Sales Again

For a while, Tiny Montgomery and I were rummage and estate sale hounds. I quickly learned that garage sales are usually not worth the time, unless they advertise "fabric" or sewing stuff.

We went to a sale this morning which turned out to be great. I had been talking about needing a roasting pan for a few weeks, and lo/behold, in the basement, along with 1298 trophies and a vintage box of Christmas mica snow (which freaked me out), there it was!


Check out those cute tea towels! I really love the one of the little....bear? with the name "Evelyn" and "1985".
Please also note the pink fruit and the massive Tupperware container with lid and pouring spout.

We also spent some time in the closet, surrounded by bad polyester, which Miss Lemon would like, and incredible couture brocaded gowns. And embroidered sweatshirts. If anyone needs a turquoise suit, heels and clutch purse, it's there!

Now to wash the rest of the creepy stick-in-your-eyes mica snow.

Yowza!

First of all, a massive thank you to everyone who picked up a little Squaresville for the holidays. I am SO happy that you're helping me clean out my craft storage box!
Rock and Roll Craft Show was totally kick-ass, and then yesterday's Green Living Expo was also awesome! Thanks to you customers, I will be sending a fat check to my grandparents for Christmas. Grandpop is 96 or so, and Grandmom will be 89 in January. I know they struggle to make ends meet, as he is a retired farmer and she is a seamstress. They're on a ton of medications, heating bill, blah blah blah. Would you be happy to know that Grandpop recycles? And, he was excited to "put a woman in the White House" in the April primaries in Pennsylvania.
Anyway, Grandmom has been in her house since 1939, and it needs tons of repairs. Naturally, I sorta hope she leaves it to me in her will, because I have nothing but wonderful memories of baking, cooking, canning, cleaning and fabric-messing-around-with in her house.
I figure the money will come in handy for them.

Here is a picture so you can see my newest frock, straight from the bowels of Value Village:

I like it, even though the picture makes me look oddly-shaped. And why do I always have that "I'm going to kick your ass" look?

Modish Marketplace!

Buy, buy, BUY!!!

At least from my shop or others listed on the December Modish Marketplace blog, that is....

Rock and Roll Craft Show was a big hit, and I don't have too much stock left, so please help a sistah clean out her craft storage box!
In fact, if you purchase a goodie from my Etsy store, mention you read about it here, and I'll throw on a wee lil' discount...how about 15% off? Just make sure to send a "Message to Seller" before paying. You can do the math or I can send you an update invoice.

In other news, it snowed today! I let the dog out at 5:45 and saw a beautiful dim snowy morn. It was all blowy and big flakes and quiet and peaceful. Thank god I bought an ice scraper last week!

Thanks

So, several things have happened lately that I am thankful for:

1. Gas is $1.33. This is the cheapest I ever remember it. EVER. Now, that might mean my memory sucks, but it's still cheap enough for me to consider a road trip to PA after Christmas.

2. My brother's girlfriend is kickass and nags him into calling me.

3. I live in a neighborhood where several different nationalities are represented. For example, yesterday, I saw Mohammed and Bismallah cruising their bikes down the street howling at the top of their lungs. Howling, because I'm sure it was super fun to do as they were flying downhill.
Also, I heard my Vietnamese neighbors rocking the karaoke at 10 am. It's in their basement, so what I really hear is a thin, tinny high-pitched noise. Hi (spelling?) isn't the best singer.

4. My partner-in-law is a great cook and we never have to pretend to like her food. In fact, everyone in Matt's family does a good job in the kitchen.

5. Rock and Roll Craft Show lets me sell my crap without having to be there. Let's hope it all sells so I can start fresh in 2009.

6. I am thankful to live in a city where I can email complaints about the Hoosier Neighbors to the city and they'll do something about the old phone books, the prairie in their backyard, and the rotting pumpkins on their porch. Now, the pumpkins have been moved to the side of their house, but I'm wondering when is the best time to go snatch them and turn them into compost.

7. I am thankful that I am a decent cook and can plan a week of yummy, somewhat nutritious meals. Turkey enchiladas, anyone?

8. My friends talk me into buying 60's beaded-neck dresses that I secretly love but have no real use for. Thanks, guys!

9. We live in one of the best countries in the world, barring angry mobs and illiteracy and pregnant middle-schoolers (she's not one of mine....)

10. *just now* I am thankful our doorbell doesn't work, so people who I don't want to talk to (I'm looking at you, man with the clipboard) don't realize I don't know they're there, unless the dog barks.

11. I am thankful to have a gentle, lazy, loving dog with a fierce bark and fierce looks. Here she is in one of her usual positions, looking out the window.

12. Teaching has given me a kickass immune system. When I'm sick, I am seriously SICK.

13. The Internet. How great is it?! Without it, imagine the rise in productivity of this world! We would get things done! There'd be no failing economy!

What are you thankful for?

I Am Famous.

Well, only sorta famous.
Here's the article on Metromix.com that mentions yours truly.
Like any of you needed a reminder/excuse to go to the Rock and Roll Craft Show!

It Is Done.

Soooo....I just emailed my Rock and Roll Craft Show inventory over to the headmistress at RRCS. If you were lusting after a mitt, tough! You'll have to snatch it up November 28th to the 30th at Third Degree Glass Factory on Delmar Boulevard.

In honor of my newfound freedom, I worked on our t-shirt quilt today. It's pretty much done, and pretty much all my t-shirts. Matt disapproved of my Babes In Toyland shirt (the band, not the sex toy store) but those riot grrls are on it anyway, along with my cherished Upper Hand and Billy Idol shirts. Yes, him again.

Other notes:
1. We watched the movie Eastern Promises. Best part was seeing Viggo Mortenson's weiner during a fight scene. As I said to Laurene, if I had a body that looked like that and I was a dude, I'd walk around nude all the time. Oh, and the Russian accents were charming.

2. I bought a Christmas present for myself today. Teal and chocolate brown snowflake flannel sheets, now on sale at Target! I bought a queen size set, in hopes that a queen-size bed will appear under the Christmas tree.

3. Why are my calendulas blooming like mad? It's cold out for plants!

4. I am about to experiment with bulk hot chocolate mix like my mom did when we were little. It involves large boxes of powdered milk, Nestle Quik and powdered sugar and Cremora. We shall see how it tastes.

5. Please go buy stuff at the Rock and Roll Craft Show, namely my stuff. Remember, it's all much cheaper and I'm not making any more for a while! Recession, you say? Recession, my ass! You tell that to the throngs of South Countians at Target today. The economy is alive and well, now that gas is for some reason the cheapest it's been in 7 years. Can you say "cartel"?

Oh. My. God.

Many things to discuss.
First...I grew up without cable. Only my friend Holly, who lived in town, had cable. So, whenever I went over to her house, I was a total hose beast about watching The MTV. The only way I ever saw music videos was if I stayed up with my brother and father to watch Friday Night Videos. Daniel and I mixed drinks for my dad all night and had a great time hanging out with the old man. Is it bad if a 11-year-old girl gets her father drunk?

Anywho, Laurene alerted me today, via Very Short List, that MTV's website has EVERY FUCKING VIDEO they ever aired. Now, you know I rarely cuss in my blogs. I save that for the motherfucking classroom. But GOD, am I catching up! I mean, DECADES of music trivia will be MINE! Smiths! Echo! New Order! Finally I will get what the Flight of the Conchords guys sing about in their David Bowie tribute!

Second, this:

Billy Idol |MTV Music

Now, it's usually a bad thing if you go to bed with a guy and there's a bloody handprint on his pillow, but I'll make an exception for Billy Idol.
And the glove? He sleeps and bathes with it!
And the shower scene? Get the fuck out! (to use one of Dad's favorite phrases)
Dear sweet Christ on a crutch! I should not be feeling these feelings! My mouth actually fell open. You have to love the close up shot of the lather on his chest. I know I do. It beats Harrison Ford's sponge bath scene from "Witness" any day.
I fell in love with this song when I took the cassette tape with us on a family road trip to Montana from Pennsylvania in 1989. Daniel and I were trapped in the back of our truck for weeks, but we brought plenty of tapes. I'll bet I'm the only one who associates Wyoming and Montana with this song.

The saddest part is that he ruined himself on drugs. Children, Billy Idol is why you should never do drugs.

Did I ever tell you about the best dream I ever had? In said dream, I was hanging out with Billy Idol in his tour trailer before a concert. It had tons of plants. He offered to make me some tea, and I accepted. When he brought the tea back to the couch where I was, I thought, "Holy God, Billy Idol is about to kiss me" AND THEN I WOKE UP.
Cruel, cruel fate! I never got to finish the dream! It still pains me!

Now, back to Billy.


Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, as a true statement of my dorkiness, I used to spend a lot of time listening to the radio and acting out my own videos in my room. Of course there was a camera following me! Of course I was an awesome singer and millions of hot guys were hot for me!
The sad part is that (and I'm a little embarrassed to admit) I actually would put on accessories if the appropriate song came on...scarves, my mother's cool silver high heels......and dance and lip sync to the radio. Sometimes my brother would join me as a backup singer. Remember, we lived in the country and only had 4 or 5 television stations. Summer nights were spent on marathon Monopoly games or driving aimlessly around Solebury Township when I had my permit. It was a kinder, gentler life.

Allison's Search For Meaning

Check out those SWEET Descendents Vans! They're old enough now I can wear them to river banks and other muddy spots. You know you're jealous.

I have decided to put Squaresville on sabbatical for the next year or so. The constant craft fairs and sewing and fabric overload have killed my love of pot holders and oven mitts....for now.
So, hop on over to my Etsy shop and pick up some early holiday presents. All oven mitts, pot holder sets and grocery bags are just $10.00. The initial pot holders are $5! And, I still have a ton of items to photograph and upload!
These new prices will be in effect at the Rock and Roll Craft Show and at the Green Living Expo in December. I will be making some obligatory holiday-themed goodies, but not too many. Actually, right now, "holiday" looks like "Christmas", as I haven't found any tasteful Hanukah prints....yet....

I'm strangely relieved to be sabbatical-ing Squaresville. I don't want to look at my heavy-ass craft fair tent for quite a while.
What will I be doing instead?

1. Culling and culling and culling my fabric hoard.

2. Making some clothes for myself. This means cutting into the precious red-with-silver-flecks wool and the wonderful vintage green-on-cream nubby plaid wool. Shrunken blazers, ahoy!
Also, the emerald green bathrobe my brother bought me in Saudi Arabia will be repurposed, as I don't wear a bathrobe. If my hoosier neighbors happen to catch a glimpse of my lovely lady lumps, too bad. I doubt they will, though. The blind in their window has been crooked for MONTHS and they never open the curtain. They haven't mowed their yard since August and a phone book has been laying on their stoop since phone books were delivered this year.

3. Finish t-shirt quilt.

4. Quilt Chinese Coins quilt and Maple Leaf quilt.

5. Make wonderful things for my friends and their babies. Oh yeah, Miss Olive, I've got something planned for you :)

6. Paint our porch. Paint Laurene's porch.

7. Experiment with tea towels, bunting and boxer shorts.

8. Rip out all the overgrown garden and start prepping next year's corn patch.

9. Knit?

10. I don't know.

Today was a weird First Day of Not Sewing. I went to the wake and funeral of one of my last year's students. He was 14 and died from leukemia. It was very sad, but gave me closure after a godawful week of parent-teacher conferences until 8 pm on Monday and Wednesday combined with trying not to cry during class. It was a nice ceremony, if not a little...culturally different. Lots of testifying and hallelujahs.
When I came home, I messed around in the garden, did laundry and took a nap. Now? I'm about to Google "Repairing chipped china", since I nicked one of my dear Blue Dandelion plates. Damn, damn, damn! Any ideas?

Defiance....Missouri, that is...

It can't be a bad day when this is what you see first thing in the morning.

So, we're all back from our weekend in Defiance. Maggie went with us and had a great time too. Yesterday we rode scooters to Hermann/Drunk Fest 2008, Missouri.
Look at the girl in the back. Click on the photo to see the silver SEQUINED racer-back tank top she's wearing. I couldn't tell if it was attached to the outer shirt. Each time she leaned over, we totally saw her boobs. She was wearing a nude bra, and at one point, I could see between her boob cleavage and the bra.
The whole Oktoberfest experience just reminded me of my drunken post-college days. Slightly embarrassing to think, "good lord, was I THAT girl?"
But I did get to see a coal train go through Hermann and a girl in a Penn State t-shirt.

From Hermann, we rode to Swiss, Missouri, for the renowned Swiss Meat Company.



Here is what Maggie and I found this morning on a 7 am walk to the lake at the property where we were staying.
Beautiful misty meadows....

A pale green spider in a dew-enhanced web...



And the aforementioned lake. Unfortunately, the ducks flew away, but the fish were jumping.




Then, we sat and watched a flock ( A FLOCK!!) of bluebirds. Life couldn't be much better right now, even with my sewing anxieties and other life issues. All one needs is a 7 am walk to a lake with your dog, a flock of bluebirds and a 1971 camper trailer to sleep in, curled up with your honey and the dog.

A Few Items

Well, it's the end of summer here in St. Louis. The garden has a mind of its own, and I am not too concerned about its productivity at this point. Scroll down for my delicious carrot harvest!
Testament to how much cargo space a Mazda 3 5-door has. This is a small rocker chair and in front of it is a 3-drawer plastic cabinet. Much thanks to Laurene for helping load and unload it!

A few months ago, Laurene also gave me some bags of top soil. I laid them down in my Kill The Grass Area to, well, kill the grass. Today I flipped them over and found two beautiful slugs. I like how I can see myself reflected in Slug's slime.


Carrot harvest. And check out that gorgeous pepper! It puts store-bought peppers to shame!

Other items to ponder:
1. Why does Loughborough Schnucks attract such a large percentage of Jabba The Hut-like humanoid blobs? I was totally depressed the other day after seeing all the troglodytes cashing their paychecks with their 34 children each. I mean, besides the girl who was on her phone the ENTIRE time I was shopping, and the women in sweatpants and size XXXL faded t-shirts, it was an okay experience. I like my Schnucks. But Jesus, what a downer otherwise!

2. What did I do before iced coffee?

3. Who wants to come harvest all my basil and make my pesto?

4. Who wants green bean seeds for next year?

5. Why do my neighbors insist on letting their yard grow to a foot tall? The newspaper on their porch finally disappeared/decomposed, but the gas tank is still there, surrounded by weeds. Plus, why do they leave their kitchen light on all night long so it shines into our bedroom?

Just some thoughts, folks. Enjoy this perfect day!

Strangefolk!

A million zillion thanks to everyone who came to Strangefolk, bought something from me, and have now found my blog.
(Alice, I need you to contact me.)

Some high points:

1. On Saturday, Matt and Maggie came along. They both had a nice nap, which was photographed by a roving photographer. Is there anything cuter than an aging punk rocker and an aging boxer/pit bull mix snoozing in the shade? Didn't think so.

2. Laurene sold a yeti!

3. Meeting people who knew my husband "when".

4. The totally perfect weather.

5. Chillin' with the Cranky Yellow boys.

6. Coffee frappes.

7. Having a booth in the shade.

8. Being able to now buy a new television. Our current one has a big yellowish blob on the screen. We're so used to it by now, but you know, the HD and all that.

9. Selling out of my Halloween pinup mitts. Mitts must be the wave of the future.

10. Matt helped me set up and take down. God bless the child!

11. Receiving bags of scraps from Curious Cat Clothing. Thanks for thinking of me! Your fabric rocks cocks!

Squaresville Update

The sewing machine has been busy, busy, busy here in Squaresville!
Check this sweet pile out:

Those are all kickass potholders, including some Halloween ones!
Now for the trimming, the looping and the binding. Then, the tying together and the tagging and adding to my inventory spreadsheet. No rest for the wicked, eh?

I'm mildly panicking about not having enough ready in time. I still have to put oven mitts into production! Still, I'm excited about Strange Folk and hope it goes as well as I feel it will.

Today was spent going to Leftovers with Senora Muertos and Senorita Muertos. I scored a massive Christmas tin for storing birdseed (remember the squirrel invasion?), a bunch of plastic for the shrinky dink factory at Strange Folk, some sweet vintage and not vintage fabric and some ribbon for hanging loops. Oh, and 70 blue folders, chalk, and a mess of pencils for my real job. Senora Muertos also hit the jackpot and will have a unique display at Strange Folk.

Then, I came home to find Matt had brought my newly refinished desk up from the basement. He was trimming our bushes that had grown over into the Hoosiers' yard, and cut through TWO extension cords in the process. Poor Matt.
After much time spent rearranging my sewing room, everything is in its place and the room now smells like delicious varnish.

Check out the cool accents under the handles! I got the desk for $12 from Value Village, and have spent way more than that refinishing and buying the cool art deco handles. The top is totally beat up and scarred, but those marks are fascinating. What the heck happened to it? Was someone hammering grommets on top of it?
It was well worth it, though, especially when I found a juicy letter jammed in back of the middle drawer. It was written to someone who had really pissed the author off. I will try to scan it and post it. Lord knows I love some juicy gossip!

I really liked this project because it took me back to my youth....When I was growing up, my parents' friend Bob Kling had an antique restoration shop that Dan and I used to stop in at on our jaunts down to Carversville. The smell of varnish always reminds me of being in that wonderfully dusty and crowded shop. It had once been a nightclub of sorts, complete with a little stage for a band. Posters from Philly's classical music station adorned the stairway up to the shop. When I got older, my father would let me pick out one thing from Bob's shop for my birthday. We might have been a blue collar family, but I was surrounded with antiques and learned to appreciate them at an early age.

In other news, my famous oven mitt is now on its way to Canada! I wonder if the customer saw it in the Daily Sauce newsletter?