Saturday, February 23, 2008

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

There are apparently many others in my Grammar Army. Someday we will take over the world and fix low-budget signs and newspapers and television headlines everywhere.
Now that I have a camera phone, nobody in South City is safe from my crusade!

Apostrophe abuse is the one thing that sends me over the edge and makes me loud and violent in the classroom. Well, loudER. And usually I say, "Take this pen out of my hands before I throw it!"

Insensitive? Perhaps.

Feb. 16, 1988
Nothing much. If I don't get a B or above in Geometry, I can't pass math. Oh yeah, Nov. 9, C's mom had her baby, but it died. I'm watching the Olympics. Today I got a drink at the water fountain and immediately after, MP came out and got a drink. Today Dylan got carried out of gym on a stretcher. He got hit int he eye. I'm so glad it wasn't MP!

Feb. 17
MP got his hair cut. It looks so cool! He has the greatest cheekbones and he looks so cool in black. He has dark, liquid brown eyes.

1. First of all, WOXY Vintage just started "Liar" by the Rollins Band, led by my secret boyfriend, Henry Rollins!

2. Stream of consciousness or insensitivity? The baby was named Joy, and the cause of death was something to do with RSV....I think. I remember finding out during Sex Ed. class (the first time I had to take it). Maybe the death was what put C. over the edge. My mind was obviously on other things at this point beside my friends.

3. Dylan lived up the road from me. He recovered nicely.

4. Geometry was taught by the awesome Mr. Penge. (I'm assuming this link is to him) He may have been the reason for my long-standing weakness for witty Italian/New Yorker-type men. I really liked shapes and angles, but just couldn't do the proofs! QED? WTF? He had lots of pictures of his family on his bulletin board. One day, I foolishly asked how many kids he had, and he replied that he had 3, but one had died. Quiet fell across the math room. Everyone looked at me. I looked intently at my math book, waiting to disappear.

5. I ended up with a (pity grade) D in Geometry, but failed the mid-term exam. When I got the exam back and saw my F, I got physically sick and, for the first time in my school career, asked to use the restroom. When I got home that day, I put on my pajamas and laid on the couch, crying. Perhaps it was PMS that made me so sick and weepy, but I really felt like I had let Mr. Penge down. Plus, it wouldn't be easy to explain the F to my dad. C's were unacceptable, so I was really up the crick with this report card!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Feb. 15, 1988

Feb. 15.
Today is Mom and Dad's anniversary. 19 years!
Today the 4H club went to the Sox Lady Factory. It was really neat! The socks are so soft and comfortable! Well, back to school tomorrow. School. I love it because I can see MP and CC (I think I love him). Father Figure is on. Lately, the snow has had a hard crust on top of it. So thick dad and Mom can walk on it. Anyway, Dan and I were sledding down Betty's barn hill. It was tres fun.. Brian H. now wears a leather jacket and iced jeans. MP has gym tomorrow. He is HOT!
Ta ta,

1. I am impressed that the Sox Lady is still in business!

2. Betty was our weird neighbor across the road. She lived in a huge farmhouse with several cats and doted on Daniel and me. She slowly went crazy, and wandered around our yard in her bathrobe a few times. I think there was more going on than I knew about, because why would we have her brother's phone number in our Rolodex? What did my mom know?

3. I tried to find a picture of "iced denim", to no avail. Imagine acid washed denim with a layer of frost on it. Am I the only one who knows what this was?

4. Brian H. was the mad genius of our class. I'm sure he's working on top secret government projects right now. I hope. He wore the typical "dork" clothes for years, until Santa gifted him with a leather bomber jacket, Led Zeppelin t-shirts and the aforementioned iced denim jeans. Ah, Brian H. So many good stories about him. Wait a few more years!

5. Snow day AGAIN today!!! Of course, I'll be whining about it on June 10, but it's nice now.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Caution! 15-year-old girl ahead!

Here is where my diary totally shifts in lovelorn teen girl-dom. It ain't pretty, folks, and I'm a little embarrassed to be sharing this with the entire world (or at least my 4 friends and husband who read this blog), but it'll be fun.
I think.
Apparently, nothing happened from the first day of 9th grade until February, because I skipped all those months. I do remember I got "Tango In The Night" by Fleetwood Mac for Christmas. I went on the yearly Youth Fellowship ski trip, where I heard The Cramps for the first time. It was super fun, and I got to sleep in an inflatable raft. That may have been my first time skiing.
Here we go.

Feb. 13, 1988
I started this diary almost a year ago. Wow. In one year, I have learned how to ski, swim, canoe, made an awesome volleyball serve, put in contacts, work a VCR, do proofs, survive during my period, annoy my parents and countless other things, even type. I don't like BC, I like one of his friends: M. P. I love him so much it isn't funny. I die whenever I see him. I would die for him I think.
I still have no hole in my right ear an I am getting soft contacts sometime next week. I had hard ones, but they hurt my eyes. I think I'll limit myself to one page a day. I bought tan pants today. C. had carved 666 into her arm and mastered the art of 5 fingers. Maybe she'll stop since AD and VS got caught. I love MP so much
* I drew a picture of the back of his head. It wasn't a good picture.*

1. Christ. " I die whenever I see him"? WTF? I hadn't even started listening to The Cure at this point!

2. I was usually picked first for volleyball in gym class. It was my shining glory. I could hit the opposite side of the gym with my fearsome serves.

3. This whole MP thing started when C. developed a crush on him, and I tagged along for the ride. She was getting super weird at this point (i.e. self-mutilation) and I probably wanted to salvage our friendship. The infatuation gets a LOT worse, folks.

4. 5 fingers is shoplifting, nothing dirty.

5. My handwriting also is totally different. Geez, you hit puberty and your whole being changes! I had had my hair cut super short at the beginning of 9th grade, and it grew out CURLY, after being straight for 14 years. It is still curly, too. WTF?

6. It is almost painful to remember the pang of unrequited love. You all had serious crushes-why did it hurt so much? I am SO glad I don't have to go through all that again. I watch my students deal with the tides of "love" and thank god I'm not 14 anymore.

7. To show what a dork I was/am, I wrote a letter to my mom telling her I started my period. Bodily functions were never openly discussed in my house. The only Period Talk I got from my mother was in 5th grade. Mom said, "You know, there's pads under the sink if you ever need them." The Sex Talk was "Wait until you're in college to have a boyfriend." Thank god I was a reader and already knew all about the many ways of the vagina.

8. The book referenced in the Period Talk link is the exact one our school gave us in 1984/1985. It was the same book C's mother got when she was in school. What the hell were belts?!

9. On the way to the ski lodge for the Youth Fellowship ski trip, Jon lent me his Cramps tape. In between awesome songs, I heard him defend me to his hot friend Kevin, "Leave her alone, she's listening to The Cramps." I had a mild crush on Jon for a while, until he became a pot head. He did also expose me to The Descendents for the first time. Thanks, Jon, wherever you are!

10. I am totally tired of being sick. I have even lost my voice, which made for well-behaved students yesterday. We had a snow day today, and the prognosis is good for tomorrow. I may milk the Inability To Speak for a few more days.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

FDOS=First Day of School

I wish I could scan the 2 pages that encompass June of my 8th grade year and September of my 9th grade year. The handwriting looks totally different. I can't imagine anything I did that summer to cause the change. I walked a LOT down to Carversville and Grandmom's house, but not on my hands!

Welcome to 9th grade, my friends. I am now officially in Senior Band.

Sept. 10th First Day of School!
Hi. I hate school! When I got on the bus, Daniel screamed at the top of his lungs BYE ALLISON! HAVE A NICE DAAAAAYYYYY!!!
I'll kill the bastard!
Well, there are some new girls who seem okay. One is on my bus. She's okay. ER, BW and BC are back. BW=Zit City. Well, Honors English is okay.

1. Ah, the first day. Show off your new clothes and your new tan, everyone! I wish I could remember what I wore, cause I'm sure it was a fashion disaster. I had Mrs. Colby for Honors English in 9th grade, and she rocked my world. She was one of those teachers who totally make you feel like you're good at something.

2. My brother caught the elementary school bus until he was in 7th grade and I was a senior. Until senior year, I always worried that he would embarrass me every day as I boarded the bus. It was a valid fear.

3. The new girl, JT. later became a goody-goody. Supposedly, her family was Mormon or something, which would explain the millions of Taylor kids at our school. She was our valedictorian and won a four year scholarship to the Air Force. However, even though she sat next to me in Sex Education class, she ended up knocked up during her freshman year and had to flush Air Force dreams down the toilet. Idiot. She also briefly dated CV, who was the heart throb of our school. CV sat by me, Lex, Jason W. and later, Jon W. during homeroom. He's a big Myspace music guy now.

4. ER. had been in elementary school with us. I have few regrets in my life (well, more than a few), but one thing that shames me is how I treated her. She was nice enough, but if the popular girls in my peer group teased her, I quickly jumped in. After all, I was tired of being lowest on the totem pole. A couple times, we went over to each other's houses to play, and got along great. But at school, she was a different, snarly, defensive person. I WONDER WHY.
God, it is almost too embarrassing to write about how we teased her, and later H. I mean, there were several meetings in Principal Sonier's office, even!
I distinctly remember her saying she was going to be a grownup at age 12, because in Judaism, you're considered an adult after your mitzvah. Always the smart ass, I yelled back at her that since she was in America, she was an adult when she was 21 and could vote and drink.
Ugh. We were so horrible.
But when she returned to 9th grade, we were indifferent, if anything to her. I might remember her declaring in the locker room that she wasn't going to let us tease her anymore. Words that now, are direct lines of advice from her mom. Words that my own mother would have told me to say.
I can only hope that she is a well-adjusted 35 year old now, with a happy and healthy life.

5. El Burrito Loco for dinner=Super Yum!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory of the Meme

Thanks Robin!

What were you doing 10 years ago

Um. 1998? HA! Funny you should ask that. It was about the time my fiance broke up with me, so I was crying myself to sleep. Then, I took off to Cincinnati for the weekend to visit Kate and Bob. Basically, my life went to shit and I was living in St. Peters. I had to cram all my clothes into a printer box and stick it under my bed.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Probably eating dinner or on the computer. Clearly nothing interesting.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Popcorn in any flavor
2. Cheese of any nationality, except Provel.
3. Clementines
4. Kit Kats
5. ice cream

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1. You're So Vain by Carly Simon

2. Can I Get Get Get by Junior Senior

3. Hotel California by The Eagles

4. Back On The Chain Gang by The Pretenders

5. Horse With No Name by America

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Donate lots of it.
2. Pay off my house.
3. Open up the Urban Craft Academy in the house for sale across the alley.
4. Get my grandparents set for the rest of their lives.
5. Tear down my garage and build a new one in a better alley-entry position

Five bad habits:

1. Procrastinating
2. Not really doing lesson plans, but copying from what I did last year at this time. Bev-tell no one :)
3. Entertaining negative thoughts.
4. Hoarding fabric.
5. Not walking the dog.

Five things you like doing:

1. Discussing Degrassi or doing Family Guy impressions with my students.
2. Eating/drinking.
3. Gardening.
4. Reading.
5. Sleeping

Five things you would never wear again:

1. Acid wash
2. White sneakers
3. Turtlenecks
4. Bike shorts under babydoll dresses. I'd wear babydoll dresses again, but over jeans. No Spandex.
5. oversized blazers

Five favorite toys:

1. Sewing machines

2. Mac Mini

3. Dog

4. Car

5. Hmmm. Does my garden count?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Jumping the Gun, Not Rope

I apologize for not reading ahead in my diary and finding that my earring was...removed...days after the George Michael/My Father/Porch Incident of '87. It is dim in my sewing room, and I can't see very well anyway!

May 29-Friday

Hi. H. is being a massive bitch. It is SO hot! I like JN! I finished Lisa's shorts.

June 2, 1987

Today I woke up to a nice little thunderstorm. The power was off at school for a while. It was neat. My ear is infected and I can't get the earring in. Help me!

June 11, 1987
So I'm irregular, give me a break. Funny events'
1. My bra thoroughly came undone in gym.
2. Today, L. had her Le Clic camera and BC took it and stuck it down his pants! And took a picture of course.

I have no earring in my right ear. I have to get it pierced again. There is a smallish lump in my ear. Very weird. EXAMS! I have been writing to Scott L. under my and on my English desk!

1. come I "couldn't get the earring in"? I guess Mommie Dearest "removed" it, and I tried to put it back in. God, was I stupid.

2. Le Clic!! This incident happened during a break in our exam schedule. We were all funneled into the Old Gym, given sweet treats, and milled around for a while until our next exam. There was so much down time in school; it's a wonder we learned anything. Our teachers must have been drinking.

3. So I'm in English one day, and noticed someone wrote "hi" on the desk. So I replied with "hello". It evolved into a long desktop conversation, which led to me and this stranger leaving notes tucked into the crack where the desk's legs were bolted to the desk. On the last day of school, we revealed our names. It was a totally Good Clean Fun thing, nothing dirty. The guy who I had been writing to was a few grades above me. He was not the handsome stranger who would fall madly in love with scrawny, dorky me, as I had hoped. Scott L. actually lived up the road from me. He later became DJ Scott Lowe on WPST's "Post Modern PST" (seriously, why was this videotaped?) Friday night show, which Lex and I loved. Ah, The Happy Mondays.
And that was it. I thought maybe we'd talk over the summer, since we had quite a relationship via note. We discussed school, why people were such assholes, and how dumb the popular kids really were. But no, it ended in June.

4. My high school started AFTER Labor Day, which is why we were in school on June 11th. Next year, my first day of school is freakin' August 18th. Oh, how times have changed.

5. OMG! Dance to the radio!

6. I would be making $54,780 if I was teaching at my old high school. Christ! Then I could afford the $800,000 house down the street from Grandma.

7. Wasn't it weird how as kids we'd hang out by literally laying around your friend's room listening to the radio? Or, DANCING to the radio?

8. Now I am completely depressed and probably won't get a snow day tomorrow, either :(


Give me this goddamned kid so he can be raised right.

I sometimes think people should need a license to breed. I would cheerfully be the one to enforce it.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Jump Rope? HA!

Since my belly is full of homemade mac and cheese, fish sticks and green beans, and is also surrounded by a nice layer of winter fat, the thought of jumping rope just tickles me to no end. As if!
It's a doubleheader tonight, as I am at a pivotal point in my earlobe's history here:

May 20, 1987
Spring Concert
Yesterday Jump Rope For Heart

Today Dad is in a bad mood because Mom didn't send in an ad for the kayak. Sometimes I want to be deaf and blind so I don't see or hear anything bad, but see and hear everything good. That would make the perfect person, you think?
Tired Old Me

May 23, 1987
Hi. Mom and Dad are acting like normal human beings. Today Dad worked on the porch and I helped him. I majorly cleaned and not so majorly redid my room. Last Night I babysat Emily for Mrs. Hurst. They are rich compared to the Cowles. Emily is so sweet! I saw John (the baby). He has hair! with a short-tempered father and a forgetful mother.....So many times I wished I could run away, but I didn't have enough babysitting money saved up and I couldn't leave Dan behind.
So, the discussion:

1. Jump Rope For Heart? Yeah, I did it every year. That might be why I was always scrawny!

2. Kayak? When did we have a kayak?

3. John was the baby I used to babysit. The illegitimate one!

4. The Hursts and the Cowles were successive pastors of my church. The house they lived in, the parsonage, was truly haunted. My friend Kindra babysat when I couldn't, and she agreed with my fears. I'd see things moving in mirrors, weird lights, and a sense of never being alone with just a baby. It wasn't a bad feeling, just a bit unnerving.

5. Aaaannnddd.... helping Dad strip the paint off our porch. For some reason, I don't write that we were listening to the radio as we worked. Dad gave up having me scrape paint, and instead set me to work trying to get the piercing stud out of my very, very infected right earlobe.
It had gotten that way from babysitting, of course. During a game of catch with the Gerenser twins, I caught a ball to the right ear. It knocked the piercing stud out, and I STUPIDLY put it right back in, causing a massive gross infection.
Dad told me not to leave the porch until the earring got out.
So, as I was trapped with my conservative father, guess what song, very popular in 1987 came one? I'll give you a hint: when the singer "came out", it was no big surprise.
That's right, Laurene, "I Want Your Sex"!!
I tugged and tugged frantically at my poor ear as my father shook his head and said, "Jesus Christ, what kind of shit is this? Why can't you listen to decent music?"
"I hate this song too! It's so dumb!! Can I go inside?"
And with his blessing, I fled the scene.

Later on, my mother, NOT a nurse, performed bedroom surgery on me. We got the earring out alright! She held my ear lobe against my neck and gave the earring a good yank. A small piece of skin came with it. Thank god for endorphins and blacking out pain!

Those of you who don't know me may be surprised to know that after all that, I have 8 ear piercings and a belly button ring. But, believe me you, the last 7 earrings were done WITHOUT parental permission, WITHOUT my family doctor threading a needle and telling me to hold still, and WITHOUT any negative consequences, except for getting hollered at by Dad for getting more earrings.

And how weird that I found my old pastor's profile? I credit him with teaching me to ski.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Lack of Backbone

There seems to be a recurrent theme in these entries. I had no backbone and never stuck up for myself. C. and others bossed me around and even though I hated it, I never did anything about it.
Fast forward 21 years and I'm bossing 80 seventh graders to within an inch of their lives, eight hours a day. Sometimes I even come home and boss my husband around. I'm making up for lost time, Matt!

May 18, 1087

Hi. We had 4-H tonight and HP kept bossing me around. ARRGGHH!!
Today in gym we did this crab soccer thing for Blue and Gold Night. We usd a big medicine ball. I found 5 cents. Big wip.

1. Yes, yes, I was in 4-H, now stop making fun of me. I can sew better than you because of it, so there.

2. Blue and Gold Night was an evening pep rally at my high school. Kids whose last names started with A through L were gold (or blue, can't remember. Lex?) and the M through Z crowd was blue. We practiced all these "fun" games in gym, then competed against the opposite color team in the evening. I remember it being a lot of fun, even though it was a gym-related activity.
It might sound unmanageable to you all, but my high school was grades 7 to 12, and had about 300 students total. It worked for us.

3. Yes, 5 cents. Ever the thrifty one, I am.

4. You MUST get thee to Indie Valentine tomorrow evening! I will be working the registers and my beloved will be DJing the finest West Coast hard bop and 80's punk/new wave/rock you can shake 2 sticks at.