Sunday, February 10, 2008

Jump Rope? HA!

Since my belly is full of homemade mac and cheese, fish sticks and green beans, and is also surrounded by a nice layer of winter fat, the thought of jumping rope just tickles me to no end. As if!
It's a doubleheader tonight, as I am at a pivotal point in my earlobe's history here:

May 20, 1987
Spring Concert
Yesterday Jump Rope For Heart

Today Dad is in a bad mood because Mom didn't send in an ad for the kayak. Sometimes I want to be deaf and blind so I don't see or hear anything bad, but see and hear everything good. That would make the perfect person, you think?
Tired Old Me

May 23, 1987
Hi. Mom and Dad are acting like normal human beings. Today Dad worked on the porch and I helped him. I majorly cleaned and not so majorly redid my room. Last Night I babysat Emily for Mrs. Hurst. They are rich compared to the Cowles. Emily is so sweet! I saw John (the baby). He has hair! with a short-tempered father and a forgetful mother.....So many times I wished I could run away, but I didn't have enough babysitting money saved up and I couldn't leave Dan behind.
So, the discussion:

1. Jump Rope For Heart? Yeah, I did it every year. That might be why I was always scrawny!

2. Kayak? When did we have a kayak?

3. John was the baby I used to babysit. The illegitimate one!

4. The Hursts and the Cowles were successive pastors of my church. The house they lived in, the parsonage, was truly haunted. My friend Kindra babysat when I couldn't, and she agreed with my fears. I'd see things moving in mirrors, weird lights, and a sense of never being alone with just a baby. It wasn't a bad feeling, just a bit unnerving.

5. Aaaannnddd.... helping Dad strip the paint off our porch. For some reason, I don't write that we were listening to the radio as we worked. Dad gave up having me scrape paint, and instead set me to work trying to get the piercing stud out of my very, very infected right earlobe.
It had gotten that way from babysitting, of course. During a game of catch with the Gerenser twins, I caught a ball to the right ear. It knocked the piercing stud out, and I STUPIDLY put it right back in, causing a massive gross infection.
Dad told me not to leave the porch until the earring got out.
So, as I was trapped with my conservative father, guess what song, very popular in 1987 came one? I'll give you a hint: when the singer "came out", it was no big surprise.
That's right, Laurene, "I Want Your Sex"!!
I tugged and tugged frantically at my poor ear as my father shook his head and said, "Jesus Christ, what kind of shit is this? Why can't you listen to decent music?"
"I hate this song too! It's so dumb!! Can I go inside?"
And with his blessing, I fled the scene.

Later on, my mother, NOT a nurse, performed bedroom surgery on me. We got the earring out alright! She held my ear lobe against my neck and gave the earring a good yank. A small piece of skin came with it. Thank god for endorphins and blacking out pain!

Those of you who don't know me may be surprised to know that after all that, I have 8 ear piercings and a belly button ring. But, believe me you, the last 7 earrings were done WITHOUT parental permission, WITHOUT my family doctor threading a needle and telling me to hold still, and WITHOUT any negative consequences, except for getting hollered at by Dad for getting more earrings.

And how weird that I found my old pastor's profile? I credit him with teaching me to ski.


Elizabeth Frick said...

I have to say I became physically quite queasy when the word "yank" came up. Oooh, talk about the willies!

Laurene said...

OMG. I am still laughing at the image of you tugging on your earlobe and George singing SEX!!!! while your Dad is trying to work. Then you denying that you even like the song, mortified as your father stands there, declaring that George sucks. Funny enough, George does, but not in the way your father indicated. Blush-a-rama!

bev said...

Girl, you want conservative!? I had to wait until I was 18 and away at college to get my first ear piercings! And my mom was this close to taking away my college money because I came home with a couple of little gold studs in my ears. (You shoulda been there for the first time I wore makeup and the first skirt hemline that was above my knees. Talk about wanting to run away...)

I have two more ear piercings in one ear - I got those after age 30 or so. I'm 44 and my mom still makes snide remarks about them.

By the way, thanks for letting me sit in your class the other day. I am so amazed at the control you had with your calm, almost quiet voice. If you ever feel like it's getting out of hand, come talk to me about my practicum.